onlystupidpeoplesaywhat? pt. 1

In Beijing, destinations are often quite far away (upwards of 10km), and sometimes it seems that there is no real 'map' of the city. Even cab drivers don't always know where certain streets are, so it is best to know exactly where you are going. You can learn how pack yourself into a subway and feel the strange sensation of being one small part of a mass of people that is also riding the train or resign yourself to a taxi and possibly subject yourself to one of Beijing's five-beltway like roads. These 'ring roads' almost exactly mirror the Capital Beltway at 7am or 6pm any day of the week..3pm works also..and so does 10pm on some Sunday evenings. Nevertheless, taxi is a quite common form of transportation, and acquiring one can often be quite a struggle in a city of 17.5 million people. When it's rainy, stay inside or you will wait for hours. When it's cold, stay inside or you might wait for hours. Most surprisingly, besides rain, the worst time might be the time when taxis are needed the most. When people get off work, don't even try to flag on. Strangely enough, taxi drivers get off at the same time as the rest of Beijing. So as you are preparing yourself to get home, your driver is also. Thus when taxis are most needed, we find the largest shortage.

An incident like this makes you wonder, 'What idiot thought of that policy?' What nincompoop called for a supply shock simultaneous to an increase in demand? It's terrible, but 'Whatever, it's China!' There are enough of these bizarre, head-scratching incidents that as a Westerner/Ex-pat/Foreigner you can share an entire meal discussing how they would be simply solved. Alas, things are different this side of Constantinople. So for this blog post I thought it would be appropriate to share some of these quagmires:

1) A touch back to a previous post. In the US, and many other countries around the world. We understand that on an escalator you stand on the right and walk of the left. Simple enough, we all get where we are going. That doesn't apply here. In fact, the simple norm of walking on the right side of anything road/path/lane does not exist. It is a free for all. Whatever direction you go you are (see last post) a salmon walking upstream. There is no escape. Their minds are geared to get directly from point A to point B. Straight to it. Which brings me to point 2.

2) Gridlock is normal. It's widely accepted. Everyone wants to get theirs, and like the metro, or a bus coming down from the rice terraces, there is always room to squeeze one more person on or car through an intersection. Even when it's not possible. I imagine the opening scene in office space where Peter, in his car, helplessly watches a man using a walker race by him while he sits in a traffic jam on the way to work. Instead of becoming creative, and maybe take a backstreet (which aren't exactly small alleyways), they must take the big street! Point A to point B! Straight line! No creativity!

3) Jam packed on the subway the other day, I was so happy to arrive at a transfer point. About 3/4 of all the people in my car got off. The car next to me unloaded only about 1/3 of their people. These cars are all open and are not separated. So while I was enjoying my newfound free space, I was staring into the car next to me, wondering why the sardines had not started migrating into open space. This is one of the rare times when I was happy the Chinese can sometime appear to be 'a little slow'. Not all of it can be blamed on cultural differences.

4) Some things just make no sense at all. Example no. 1 - I had some delicious Beijing Duck for lunch today. My friend had a coupon, given to him by the restaurant, and was told to present it next time. We get the bill and tell them not to forget about the coupon we presented. Oh wait, problem! After hearing some incomprehensible Chinese, I understand 'use it next time you come'. My friend Sami has a simple solution to this problem. He looks at the waiter very solemnly and says 很好 which is the equivalent of saying 'its good' and 现在, meaning now. Usually effective, the waiter was unphased and sent another worker to deal with us. Apparently the problem is that the coupon was for a duck that was more expensive than the one we ordered....so the problem is that we are not saving enough money? I don't get it, we are full, they profit, all's well.

5) Babies piss and shit everywhere. Literally everywhere: shopping streets, on my campus, at bus stops outside the restaurants. It's all fair game. They even have babies wear pants with no butt so they can poop immediately. Or not even wear pants at all! It's just easier that way.

6) This issue is currently the most pertinent on everyone's minds. And it will be for the next 2 weeks. So in Beijing right now, the temperature is at a mild 0 degrees Celsius (32 Fahrenheit). It started dropping in early October and has not gone up since. I fear January and February...or do I. At least by that point, the government will allow the heat to be turned on. I kid you not, we do not have heat. It's not even funny enough to add a ! I'm so totally serious. It has been 4, 5, and 0 degrees the past 3 days, and we haven't had head. We haven't had heat since last winter, in fact. I'm in my room right now wearing jeans, socks, shoes, t-shirt, sweater, sweatshirt, jacket, and 2 hats and I'm freezing. My hands are the only thing uncovered because I can't type in while wearing mittens! And it even hurts to bend my knuckles. Sometimes I think it's warmer outside than it is in my room. I fear getting out of bed. This is a serious problem. The heat doesn't come on until Nov. 15. that's over two more weeks of possibly freezing temperatures....literally freezing! 0 C = 32 F = Freezing! I've never been more happy to drink hot tea with every meal.

I will leave you with several photos as usual. One is using thermal imaging, and just remember that red, or green means heat, other colors do not.

Bleu Marine - probably the best steak in town - I believe it considering I first saw this sign 8 years ago and it's still around

I wasn't joking.

 Only in China.

 Thermal imaging, blue = cold.

What I wore while writing this blog entry.

Miss all of you and central heating even more. Our class discussion today went over what heating techniques we used in our home countries. Central heating, fireplaces, it was alll so cruel. Until next time!